1. There’s something wrong with my head
2. It’s not a bump
3. I wish it was a bump
4. Even if it was a gross, protruding bump that made people afraid to look at me 
5. I could handle that 
6. I would dress it up—draw a face on it or something. I don’t know. 
7. Make it pretty. 
8. I can’t make the inside pretty. 
9. I wish I could but
10. I can’t 
11. These are some thoughts that infect me 
12.  Scream right now. Right now. Do it. 
13.  Flip the table. Now. Flip it or hold your breath until you pass out. 
14.  Hold your breath until you pass out. Do it. 
15. I do it. 
16. I have to do it. 
17. Scream, pass out, flip things. 
18. If I don’t, I will die. 
19. If I don’t, my whole family will die. 
20. My family is small and not very nice to me but I still don’t want to see them die. 
21. I saw my twin brother die
22. When we were kids 
23. I was not a fan. 
24. I doubt he was, either. 
25. Or maybe he was. 
26. He doesn’t have a voice in his head. 
27. He doesn’t have a head 
28. Or a voice
29. Sorry. 
30. I guess in many ways, I’m the lucky one 
31. Mom told me that before 
32.  Don’t you know how lucky you are? 
33. After I got sent home from school for stripping naked and attempting to flush my clothes down the toilet 
34. I made a mess 
35.  A huge fucking mess! Mom yelled 
36. I told her it wasn’t me 
37. It was the voice 
38.  Newsflash, Tommy! 
39. It wasn’t a yell, it was a scream. 
40.  EVERYONE has a voice in their head 
41. It echoed in my room with two beds 
42.  You’re not special—don’t give me that bullshit excuse! 
43. I don’t think I’m special, I wanted to tell her 
44. I think I’m cursed 
45. But the words didn’t come out 
46. Instead, urine came out 
47.  Piss yourself. Piss yourself right fucking now or else your heart is going to stop. 
48. I peed. 
49. Mom screamed. 
50. Dad came in 
51. He was drunk 
52. He pushed me against the wall 
53. I hit my head 
54. I hoped for a bump 
55. (An explanation) 
56. He spit as he screamed 
57.  Why do you have to make everything so hard on us? 
58.  No bump ever formed. 
59. (No explanation)
60. He shook my shoulders
61. Banged my head again 
62.  You’re so goddamn selfish! 
63. Through tears and over dad’s shoulder, I saw mom on her knees with disinfectant spray and a rag
64. I closed my eyes 
65. I Imagined Tyler’s face 
66. But it’s the same as my face 
67. So it didn’t help 
68. I can’t stand being in this body 
69. My body 
70. I miss Tyler
71. I miss his voice 
72. I miss the way he could read my mind 
73. I miss having hot dog eating competitions with him 
74. I miss winning 
75. I miss not having a stranger’s voice in my head 
76.        
77. I think mom and dad think it’s my fault that he died 
78. As if I told the drunk driver to be drunk at 7:30am 
79. As if I told the drunk driver to swerve off the road 
80. As if I told Tyler to walk on the side closest to the drunk driver  
81. I broke my arm 
82. And bumped my head 
83. But no one seems to remember 
84. Or care 
85. Or miss the old me 
86. I miss the old me 
87. I miss my old family 
88. I miss the warmth of the sun on my skin 
89. The friends I used to have 
90. The brain I used to own 
91. It’s a scary thing 
92. To not own your body anymore 
93. To not be believed 
94. To not be trusted 
95. To keep everyone around you alive every single day, no matter the cost
96. And to never, ever even hear the words
97. Thank you 

Jordyn Damato is a writer, lover, dreamer, in that order. She is currently an MFA fiction candidate at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Her work has appeared in Brilliant Flash Fiction and Bullshit Lit. Her favorite thing to do is hug.